there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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