I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The air taste purple.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
