So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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