why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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