All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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