Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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