After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
