if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
And then my night got REAL pukey
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
