Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
