I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
