so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
