i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
