Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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