How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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