Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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