I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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