Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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