the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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