my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
