I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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