You just made me feel so damn special
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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