3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You should frame my arrest warrant.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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