well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
