i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
