Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
