The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
