Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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