I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
