I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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