My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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