So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
