ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
