he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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