We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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