So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
