my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
