I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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