i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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