Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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