I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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