just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
