I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
