Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
