Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
