She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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