how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize