when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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