Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
