I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
