Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
