remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
