The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
