I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
