JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
