Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
