pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
