yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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