He asked to "fluff my boner.."
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
