My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
