Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
