Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
