this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize