I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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