my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
