it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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