Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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