ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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