Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
