I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
