is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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