Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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