I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
