I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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