just come out here and I will go home with you...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
