Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
