I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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