we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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