I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
