Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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