Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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