i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
