bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
