My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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