I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize