need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
