I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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