He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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