i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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