Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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