Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
