gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I puked a lego.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
