if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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