Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
