The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
