Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
