That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
