I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
