"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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