So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
