he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
