The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize