dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
