I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
