I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
