drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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