Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
