never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize