Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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