i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
