OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
